The next night was to be Dave's last in the hospital. I arrived without a plan in mind that had any chance of working. Appealing to Dave's brain might be the way to Dave's heart. I wasn't going to think beyond that.
Pulling up the chair next to his bed, we fell easily in to conversation. Dave liked me, I thought. I hope he trusts me for what's coming next.
"Dave?" I reached out to take his hand, just as though we were shaking hands, our last physical contact a few days ago. Dave frowned quizzically and sadness flashed across his face. Oh, he thinks I'm leaving, not the best way to start. I grasped his arm above his elbow with my left hand to assure him that this was different. "Dave, all right?"
He swallowed and nodded, still puzzled.
"Let's talk about you, you wanting to like making love." Dave glanced away, almost imperceptibly shaking his head in denial. I was afraid I was jeopardizing everything but I pressed on.
"Don't think that every time a man touches you, it hurts. It doesn't have to hurt, you know, in fact, it shouldn't." Absolute silence, I couldn't even hear him breathe, but I wasn't going to let go of his hand.
"Please, Dave. I can guess what might have happened between you and Karl, but let me tell you how it should be. Here's what a caring man would do."
He tensed his arm, preparing to pull away. I leaned forward, desperate to make him understand, although I'm not sure why. He was already thinking it was painful and harsh and not worth the effort, how could I show him otherwise? Who was going to convince him? Not Karl, who was after Harry again. Not me, I could have Orli for fun, right? Strangely, although I tried to picture his face, remember his body, I couldn't keep the image of Orli from fading. Dave needed something else, something more, and I wanted him to have it, wanted to give it to him, wanted to be the right one for him. I continued, closing my eyes and drawing on my own theatrical visualization experience to better create this world for Dave alone.
"A caring man would first look for his lover's secret places. The back of his neck while pressing close behind him. Around to his ear, swirling gently, breathing softly, sending a private message. Turning him. Down his jawline, to the soft skin just under his chin. Up, then, to his eyelids, kissing each one closed, licking the eyebrows, tracing the forehead with lips. Breath ghosting over and down to his lips. Cradling his head. Gentle tracing. Soft pressure. Finding the perfect fit. Inhale and exhale, waiting for the hitch in his breath that parts his lips, and flicking along the edges with his tongue.
"The caring man's tongue would then become himself. Coaxes and coerces until he takes possession of his lover's tongue. Sucks it into his mouth, stroking, squeezing. Then the caring man will shift positions, pulling his lover closer still, inserting his tongue into his lover's mouth, in and out, in and out, through lips that close over him, a prelude to later pleasures.
"When bodies are warm and writhing and breathing becomes panting, he will move down your neck, tasting and nipping and sucking and licking over your collarbone, down to your chest. Did you know that a man's nipples could be so sensitive?"
Dave was still looking away, but his hand twitched slightly, clenched. I don't think he did. Karl didn't linger there, if I remembered correctly, always eager to go on to the main event. Or was it because I had moved from the third person to a more personal "you"? I felt like my hands were glued to him.
"Your body tenses slightly as his mouth approaches. Lifting away, your lover lightly breathes over one nipple, which hardens and strains to reach that warmth. He then inhales and the cool air sends a shiver across your chest. Too cool, then too hot as his mouth closes over your nipple and holds it, teasing the sensitive tip with his tongue, and you buck up against him, hard. You want to grab his shoulders, hold his head, but you can't open your eyes or focus on anything but that intense pleasure flickering on pain. Trembling, your muscles are locked and your back is arched until the lover gently pinches your other nipple and your universe widens to include that sensation as well. Now you are able to move and you grasp your lover's hair, his shoulders, his arms, anything to keep him there as your body tries to find the best place to thrust against, anywhere to relieve the pressure, the pleasure that threatens to drown you."
I had to stop for a moment, adjust myself with a quick shift of my legs, not wanting to remove my hands from Dave's arm. I could feel him tense, shivering almost in an effort to not move. Is he afraid? Am I making a certain fool of myself?
"Alternating between pinching and sucking until you almost go mad, your lover now slides one hand under your back because he loves to feel the muscles move as you strain against him. He presses his ear to your chest to hear your heartbeat and wraps his arm tightly around your waist, pulling you up against him, letting your cock push into his warm belly. But he never lets you fall back enough in order to buck up again harder, so you're forced to rock in tiny back-and-forth motions and it's not enough, it's not nearly enough. You push down on his shoulders to make him release his grip, to let you move as you need to, and you feel the low rumble of his chuckle because he knows you are helpless.
"You realize that he is cataloguing all the sounds you've made, the soft sighs of need, the moans, the sudden intake of breath, the long, slow exhale, the gasps, making you do them again and again. And he remembers what makes you arch, what makes you shudder, what makes you thrust up against him, craving your responses. Everything about this night is for your pleasure. Your lover wants to make love, to create it where it might not have existed before. He cares for you, wants to make you feel good in this most intense, private way, intends to make a secret world right here on the bed for just the two of you.
"You know this. You feel cared for and cherished and everything in you wants to take and give back.
"Spread your legs around him and push your heels into the bed. Now you have enough leverage to move him and you almost do, but he's too heavy. He's loosening one arm and pushing down to your thigh; the other continues to hold you as he lifts himself up, leaving you nothing but air to thrust your painful cock against. Push on his shoulders again, force him to give you some relief.
"While you are hard and writhing, he is softly touching you, barely caressing your thighs, up to the overly sensitive soft spot between them, maybe only stirring the air over your skin. Every hair is standing up as though his hand contains static electricity.
"In the blink of an eye, everything changes. Moments before he was barely touching you, now he pressed tightly against you, is between your legs, his hardness striking sparks off yours. One hand is under you, tilting your hips, the other holding your face as he kisses you so deeply your breath is gone. He wants, he needs, he desires you."
Dave's eyes were closed, his lips parted, his breathing a little louder now. Am I reaching him? I am excruciatingly self-conscious about what I'm saying and his lack of response.
"Are you aching for him now? Tell him. Tell him you want him to show you how.
"Your lover slides back down your body, zeroing in on your cock, now leaking continually, throbbing with need. His hand remains on your cheek and his fingers slip into your mouth.
"As he did at your nipple, he holds his mouth open over your cock, sending hot breath over the head, which swells and strains and stretches. You moan around his fingers, encouraging him to please, please, please... and he does. Lips firmly over teeth, he places the head at his parted lips and grants you entrance as your hips surge upward. You release his fingers when you moan and gasp. He moves to grasp your length.
"Lips and tongue and fingers and licks and swipes and slides and you can't hold still. He presses his arm across you in an attempt to restrain you but you can't stop. Up and in and out and down, you thrust deeply in a rhythm that gains speed as your climax coils in your belly. Every sound you make enflames your lover more and he's quivering with the effort of holding back, wanting you to have more, more, too much."
My mouth was dry. I didn't dare open my eyes. Dave's hand was warm and slightly sweaty in my grip, but was that from me or him? His face was turned away but he had shifted slightly several times, I'd heard the slow movements of his legs against the sheets.
>>> * <<<
"I urge you on with my mouth, with my hands, with my own hard thrusts. I want you to come undone, I want to be the cause. I try harder: more suction, deeper, longer, smooth strokes from base to head and back. Two fingers rest against your opening, not entering, just teasing. I feel your balls tighten, your legs tense, your back start to lift from the bed. Then you cry out and your orgasm uncoils and surges up through you with the power of a whiplash. I feel it coming and quickly hold your hips up so that you can writhe and twist and buck and plunge, all without leaving the hot confines of my mouth.
"I am blind with happiness, deluged with love for you, swallowing and licking and moaning. Holding myself hard to wait.
"Panting, shuddering, whimpering, slowly returning to the bed and calming. Deep, stuttering breaths, contented moans, your fingers flexing and rubbing my shoulders, my hair, my arms. Shaking still, so I move up and cover you with my warmth. I love the way you nuzzle into my neck, your arms holding me close.
"I turn you away from me so that I can press against your back, wrapping my arms around your chest with my thumbs gently brushing your nipples. It's not enough, so I press you down and climb on top of you. Holding my weight on my arms, I push my knee between your thighs to open you up to me. Fitting my length between the rounds of your ass, I rock in slow, gentle movements, kissing that secret place under your long hair, just where I began an eon ago.
"I love how you feel, how you smell, how you push back into me, wanting my satisfaction as you had yours. For now, this is enough: your scent, your whimpers and sighs, your warmth. I know this is most difficult for you and I am determined to change your mind and show you how wonderful it can be. But slowly, so slowly. I am steeling myself against the needs of my body, my cock throbbing for you, straining to enter your body. Know how badly I want you.
"Evidence of my arousal [I flushed with embarrassment, I sounded like a trashy novelist] is slicking your entrance, making my soft, short thrusts smooth and sensuous. The head of my cock catches and you push back, stretch to accommodate, but it's too soon. In order to take the next step, I must prepare you and for now, I simply can't stop moving.
"However, if I don't, your heat will undo me. I rise up and slide over to my side and push you to do the same and face me. Never again will I look at you in public and not remember the sight of your face right now in private: flushed, the tips of your long hair darkened with sweat, your eyes half-closed, lips swollen. Another secret we will share. Desire flares through me, but I have to know that you are ready."
A horrific realization froze my soul and my eyes flew open. When did I shift from his anonymous lover and him, to him and me? Had he noticed? My heart pounded as though to come through my chest.
"Dave?" I questioned softly. I had to ask. His eyes were still tightly closed, but his lips were parted as though he could not get enough air and his hips were slowly rocking under the thin hospital blanket. A soft moan escaped and his hand squeezed mine. He knows. Heat rocketed through me.
"I kiss you again as I did when we started: ear, jawline, temple, eyelids, then skim to your lips. I pull our bodies apart and lift your knee so that I may slide my thigh under yours. I can barely allow my erection to touch your warm stomach and your hardening cock without threatening my control. Smoothing my hand along your thigh, I glide over your buttocks and down to your cleft. My slick fingers seek entrance. Gently, exquisitely slowly, one finger slides in. I watch your face carefully, ready to stop at the first sign of discomfort. Nothing but trust and my heart swells. Another finger, so carefully.
"I long to show you another secret. I hook my fingers within your body and press. The result is instantaneous: you clamp down on my fingers, jerk your body forward and cry out. And again. I am unprepared for this vision of heat writhing on my fingers. Shyly, as though your outburst surprised you, too, you duck your head down and kiss my shoulder. It is just too much.
"I covet your responses, cannot allow myself to miss even one. Although it might be easier on your stomach, I put a steel-hard leash on my desire and push you slowly onto your back, easing my fingers out only so that my arm is not over one of your thighs but is instead between both and my fingers rush back in with the urgency of an addict. Your face, your face reveals every nuance of feeling - another secret you keep from the outside world. Your half-parted lips, yielding, draw me deeper. The intoxicatingly heady rush of this moment's power races through me.
"As though in slow motion, I withdraw my fingers, lubricate my weeping, aching cock and move over you. You spread your legs to give me room and I try to keep my weight balanced the tripod of my knees and one arm. I hook your legs over my hips and am shaking as I guide myself into you, keeping my eyes focused on yours, ready to stop, but I see nothing but confidence and acceptance. Tears threatened to overflow at your generosity.
"We will feel this together, you and I, it will be our secret.
Push, asking permission.
Tension, still afraid.
Love and reassurance, withdrawal.
Involuntary thrust, please try again.
Light pressure, promising tenderness.
Tentative acceptance, requesting knowledge.
"I pull your body hard against mine and hold you tight, your confidence and trust in me threatening to drown me. When I have regained control, I kiss you, reach between us, and slide my tongue into your mouth as I firmly push into your body, knowing that anticipation of that first inch makes you most fearful. And it is accomplished. I know you're trying to adjust to the invasion, the burn. I feel you shift and roll, and pull back to see if I should stop.
"Your eyes seek mine, asking for a promise. Your fingers are painfully gripping my shoulders. Know that I will always take care of you. You are safe with me.
"I rock my hips back and forth in short, controlled movements, barely shifting in you at all. Your eyes are still fixed on my face, you're breathing in short pants, just this side of panic. As I leak more pre-cum and the lube warms up, it's easier, isn't it; please like what I doing, please like this.
"Gradually I feel you relax a little and still in the iron grip of self-control, I slide barely another inch and wait. You start to smile, although fear remains in your eyes. Trembling in an effort not to sheath myself in your heat immediately, I wait. And there it is, your first tentative push back. I close my eyes in gratitude. Another inch, another push. Again. And again and again, until I am fully within you. We wait. I throb. You contract."
From outside myself I wondered where all this was coming from. Never had I talked so long and never, ever about sex; my throat was parched, but the words continued to flow, as though I am painting a picture and need every minute detail to be just right. I didn't dare to look at Dave. My hand was numb where he was holding on so tightly, my back ached at the angle, and a hollow feeling inside warned me I was treading a fine line, but it was too late to turn back.
"I begin slow rocking movements again and study your face. You smile around a gasp. We like this, you and I, we have found our secret rhythm. This is enough for tonight. In the nights to come, we will have time to explore other secret ways to pleasure each other but for tonight, we make soft, gentle love. I pulse within you, knowing my time has come. I thrust and hold, thrust and hold, thrust and explode. I pull you to me as I shudder and moan, hot pulses slowing and finally stopping.
"We have made love. That before tonight you didn't like making love with a man is now a secret in our past."
I moved to rest my head on the bed, thoroughly drained. I was hard but pleasantly so, without needing release. This was a once-in-a-lifetime performance. I didn't know what to do next.
I looked at our right hands in front of my face, still joined tightly, knuckles white. My left hand remained at his elbow. Almost as though it were a dream, not a reality, I felt Dave's hand ghost over my hair, brushing my neck, coming to rest on my shoulder. I squeezed my eyes tightly in dread.
Hardly daring to, I lifted my head to look at him, although his face was hidden in the shadows of the darkened room.
"Please," he breathed out in a whisper. "Please, Craig."
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