Chapter 21

Seka knew every crack in the old plastered ceiling of his room by now, still he followed them with his eyes every morning when he woke up, always in the same order, it was kind of a calming thing to do. He slept long and stayed in bed even longer. His injuries still made themselves known. Aches and tenderness in most of his body made him walk around slowly like an old man although he was really well enough now to stay out of bed. But since no one demanded of him to leave it he most of the times didn’t. He thought he had even less of a reason to leave his bed now than he had had before. But this morning he would have to leave it soon in any case, he really needed to piss badly and squirmed and twisted the sheets between his legs in a vain effort to try and ignore it. But after a while he thought he would really wet the bed if he didn’t do anything about it and with a sigh he slowly got out of the bed and dragged his sorry shape out of his room. His bare feet made no sound as he stole quietly along the wall of the sitting room towards the bath, heart thumping in his chest, hoping he wouldn’t draw the attention of his master. But his master seemed to have a sixth sense about his whereabouts as usual. He had only a few steps to go when lord Medora was suddenly standing in the doorway of the library at the other end of the room staring at him with a frown. "Where’re you going?" He froze and would have fallen to his knees if he had not still been so stiff and achy and if his master hadn’t told him he didn’t have to as long as he was not healed up and well again. But he cowered and leaned against the wall as for support. "To… to…" he pointed to the entrance of the bath with his good hand and tried to get the words out. "I thought I told you that if I am here you are to tell me first." He paled and hung his head but Lord Medora only sighed and motioned him inside as he followed. Seka slowly sat down on the cold marble and parted his legs, closing his eyes, trying to think of something else, trying to forget that his master was standing there looking at him. Not that Medora hadn’t forced him to do his business in plain view of his staring eyes before but it was something that he simply could not get used to no matter what. Medora had done it a long time ago to teach him that privacy was a privilege and not something he was to take for granted and he had a reason now too but sometimes Seka wondered if he simply didn't found some perverted pleasure in it. He managed to pretend indifference that much that it seemed he fooled his tensed up body and he started to piss in that trickling manner the wires caused. "No blood," Medora said as Seka finally finished after what seemed an eternity, "I don’t think we need to worry about internal injuries anymore." Seka said nothing. He felt a shiver at the coldness of his Master’s voice but he knew he wasn’t all that cold about it really. His master had apologized to him, said he was sorry. There had been admittance in that apology; Lord Medora had admitted that he had been too harsh. That he had lost his temper and beaten him up for no good reason. He must have known it wasn’t Seka’s idea to let Azrel in. He must have known that Azrel would not take no for an answer, not from someone like him. He must have known that Seka was subdued enough to not need a reminder of such a serious nature. So why had he done it then? Who knew? Maybe he had simply been in a bad mood already coming home? In either case he had regretted it, regretted it enough to say he was sorry which was a kind of miracle in itself. That apology hadn’t made Seka feel any better. It was not like those words had made those stubborn and throbbing headaches go away. It was not like it had made that non-stop ringing in his ear subside the least. It was not like those words made his ribs hurt any less, nor had they made the pain of his crushed hand any easier to bear. Those words had not made his fear go away either, quite the opposite. What had his master really done? Said he was sorry? Wasn’t that a weakness if any? Admitting to a simple bedslave that he had treated him wrongly, when there simply was no wrong way to treat a slave. Medora had felt bad about hurting him; Medora had felt guilt. His master would, no doubt, view that as weakness. Just as he obviously thought it a weakness wanting him around at all. And weakness had made Medora spoil him and then it had made him cruelly strict on him. Weakness had made Medora almost make love to him… and then rape him. Weakness had made Medora caress him… and then beat him up. Weakness had made Medora apologize to him and… yes, what next? Would that weakness eventually make his master kill him? Seka didn’t find it improbable. He would not provoke him that was for sure. He would pretend he had never heard that apology, he would never fool himself in to thinking he could act anything else than submissive in his master’s presence. He would never show he knew anything about that weakness and he would never ever take advantage of it because he still (and it surprised him as it had done for years) wanted to live. >>> * <<< Early spring. There was that earthy smell in the air as Seka opened the doors and stepped out onto the balcony and the sun shone warmly but there were still patches of snow in the garden and the weather could change quickly. Too early really for leaving for the estate for summer but his master was restless it seemed. He had told him a few days ago to prepare his personal belongings for packing. Seka felt restless too, he so wanted to go with his master but he had not said anything about him coming too. Maybe it was a given thing, surely he wouldn’t go without his catamite? Though he had not been used for sex lately. He wasn’t all that well yet. He still got those splitting headaches and that damn ringing in his ear wouldn’t go away, it drove him nuts sometimes. But he supposed it was his hand really that made Medora being more careful with him. It healed very slowly and it was still kept bandaged in a sling. Seka carefully wiggled the fingers of his injured hand. They were all stiff and two fingers were numb, he couldn’t feel them at all. It was a bit ironic in fact, he thought, that he had survived so many horrible things without any lasting injuries and now he had been crippled by a simple squeeze. He doubted that hand would ever be of any real use again. He supposed he wasn’t much good at all these days and there were plenty of servants at the estate. His master would probably not bring him. He sighed at that and tried not to think about it. He didn’t dare ask and he certainly didn’t dare beg for it but the thought of being locked up here all alone for months and months made him feel sick. "You think it’s a good idea to stay out there in this chill? An order in disguise, Seka thought as he heard the familiar voice from inside the sitting room and he obeyed it and came inside, silently closing the twin doors behind him. "Have you finished packing?" Medora asked him and he answered in the affirmative. "Have you finished packing your own things as well?" he asked further and Seka looked up in surprise. "No Master… I’m sorry…?" "Why not?" An irritated frown from his master that made the hair at the back of his neck stand up. "I didn’t know…. I thought… Am I to go too?" "Are you daft? Of course you are. We’re leaving very early tomorrow morning and you had better be finished by then. Must I really explain these things to you? Well, don’t just stand there, you want to make me angry?" He certainly did not, bowing deeply he backed away and then turned to run into his room and get his things together. He couldn’t remember the last time he had smiled but he did now. He was going to go too… >>> * <<< Seka looked about him in the dusty gloomy room. The main building at the estate was not nearly as big as the townhouse. And Medora’s quarters here consisted of one room only. Last time here he had slept mostly in his master’s bed, beside him. Not counting those nights he had slept beside Azrel. A few nights the heavy warmth had made Medora annoyed at feeling his sweaty body stuck to his and then he had slept on the floors. This room had not seemed like a prison then but it felt very much the cage now, as Seka took for granted that the same rules would apply here and he would not be allowed to leave the room. They had arrived but an hour ago and Medora had left him to unpack and made the room fit. That was the only orders he had left him with, he hadn’t been told to take his clothes off. But after he had got a fire going in the small furnace and the chilly room warmed up a bit he nevertheless shed himself of the several layers of linen and warm wool tunics and marveled at how strange it felt nowadays wearing clothes at all. It kind of itched and felt heavy and uncomfortable. Seka put all their clothes away, he opened a window and let some fresh air in, he shook the dusty covers of the bed with some difficulty having only one fully functioning hand to do it with and when the room looked nice he went about freshening himself up too. There was no bath here like in the townhouse and he cleaned the road dust off his naked body with a damp cloth before he went about the very tedious affair of brushing his hair out. He twisted it into a bun at the nape of his neck, fastening it with a few pins. Braiding was out of question these days; he couldn’t do it with those dead fingers of his. And lastly, with the absentminded manners of having done it a thousand times before, he turned a big leather pouch upside down and let a sparkling and clinking mass of more or less cheap jewelry fall in a shambled heap on top the covers of the bed. He chose from the heap and shivered at the coldness of the wide filigree choker his master loved so much. It closed around his whole neck as a relentless hand and wasn’t exactly the most comfortable piece his master had given him to wear but his body heat would warm it up soon enough and he would soon get used to the stiffness of it too. At least it forced his chin up, he thought, not much else did. He felt at his legs as he finished the almost ritual decking of his naked body with beaded chains around his ankles. He wasn’t quite pleased with what he felt and soon lost himself in that endless picking and plucking. He couldn’t help it; it felt like a calming thing to do, like counting the cracks at the plaster in the ceiling. He kind of stopped thinking all together in the endless search for the finest hairs and that was a pleasant state. He got so into it that he didn’t even notice his master standing in front of him before Medora slapped his good hand and made the pair of tweezers he used fly across the room. "Will you stop doing that! You remind me of a damn monkey with that constant plucking." Seka supposed he sounded like one too as he rolled himself into a small ball at his master’s feet whimpering in fear. But there were no blows or kicks. Medora crouched beside him. "I’m not angry… it doesn’t matter. Come on! Get up! I told you, I am not angry. Are you listening to me? I want you to lay down on the bed and part your legs, you hear?" Seka was still shivering from the chock of getting slapped and expecting a beating to follow but he gathered enough to obey and crawled onto the bed to assume the usual position. Medora laughed. "I meant on your back," he said still grinning. Seka was blushing slightly as he slowly turned to lay flat on his back and spread his legs wide as ordered. Medora sat down at the bedside and produced a pair of sharp looking pliers from some fold or another in his clothing, holding it up, grinning even wider at Seka’s widening eyes. "Now I suggest that you hold really, really still. I don’t want to accidentally cut something vital off." Seka was tensed up and stiff as a plank as his master neared the pliers to his crotch but Medora was being careful. Seka felt but the smallest tugs and a strange kind of an almost ticklish feeling as the wires were being cut and slowly pulled out of the holes pierced through the skin of his sex. He was being un-infibulated and he couldn’t believe it. Medora put the pieces of cut wire on his chest and he couldn’t help reaching his good hand up to touch at them. "Listen to me Seka," his master said, sounding amiable and patient enough, "things are different here. Here and in the city, it’s not the same thing. While we are here… I’ll give you your privileges back. You go out if you want to, you see Azrel if he wants to, you can even have your horse back… but when we go back to the city you will be kept as my wife sees fit and there will be new wires. Do you understand this?" Seka nodded, he understood very well, understood a lot of things, and he didn’t know if he should feel happy and grateful for these months of respite and to thank his master for giving it to him. Or if he should hate him for letting him taste this happiness just to force him back into hell again in a few months. In the end he just kept nodding without answering and Medora let him get away with it. After all it didn’t matter much whether he hated or felt grateful. Nothing he felt mattered as long as he obeyed and behaved. He intended to. Medora suddenly smiled in a mischievous sort of way and took a hold of his hand still fiddling with the loosened wires and pressed it between his legs. "I’m going to go out for a little while and I’ll be returning in about half an hour or so. In the meantime… well, you do what you have to do, just be prepared to serve me when I get back," he pressed Seka’s hand harder over his newly freed cock and almost chuckled, "do you know what I am saying?" Seka nodded, stunned, and confirmed that he indeed had understood and his master left the room. For a few seconds he just laid there, dumbfounded. The suggestion, or order, he wasn’t sure what it had been, to masturbate for several months worth of forced chastity seemed ludicrous to him. He simply wasn’t horny. He wasn’t, he hadn’t been this whole time; he really hadn’t. He was dead down there he told himself, dead and numb and how could he ever… He realized he was wrong as he was thinking. As his hand started to knead his hairless crotch and his fingers encircled the shaft of his limp member as if they had a will of their own and it turned out it wasn’t so limp after all. He almost frightened himself with the sudden onslaught of urges. He was almost disgusted about how he suddenly found himself writhing on the bed, arching his back, panting with the effort of thrusting his groin into his wildly jerking hand. It wasn’t pleasant, it wasn’t nice; it was nothing but certain body parts’ desperate need of release, parts that had been forced to forget what they were for to survive the forced restraint. It was only a matter of a few minutes until he spurted and it didn’t make him relax for more than a few heartbeats before he was at it again… After the third ejaculation he was weeping with the shame of it all but when his master returned he was appropriately spent. Cleaned up, calm; emptied out and quite able to act the submissive and passive recipient of his master’s needs, which was the only thing required of him. >>> * <<< But lord Medora did not want to fuck an inanimate object today. He undressed and sat down on the bed and had Seka sit cross-legged opposite from him. He reached around him to pull the pins out of his hair and it unfolded with a spiral movement along his back. Medora grabbed his chin and tilted his head up. Seka couldn’t help how he tensed up at the hold. That hand, he supposed, could crush his jaw as easily as it had destroyed his hand. Medora seemed to sense his fear. "You’re afraid of me now, aren’t you?" he asked and let go. Seka immediately looked down again unsure if to answer that. "There… there was never a time that I wasn’t afraid of you Master." he whispered. Medora smiled. "Let me tell you something slave, do you know what courage is? For all my warring years I learned but one thing, courage is not to never be afraid. Courage is being scared to death and still do what you must do. Only fools are never afraid and you have always been quite smart, haven’t you? You want me to say you don’t have to be afraid of me? I can’t. I guess you should be. But I really have no intentions of hurting you right now and that goes for most of the times otherwise too." Medora reached for him again and pulled him closer putting his bearded cheek to his smooth one to nuzzle at his ear, his big hands combing his heavy tresses. "You smell like a woman, you know that?" Medora licked at his ear, pulled at the earrings with his teeth, "taste like one too…" Medora forced his head back by pulling at his hair and with a very nimble movement for such big fingers he loosened the clasp of the necklace and threw it on the floor so that he could get to nibble at his neck. Seka kept his head back as his master let go of his hair to let his hands glide down his back until they grabbed at his ass, squeezing his ass cheeks, lifting him up onto his lap. "And you have the body of a young boy still…" If Medora tried to tell his slave that he could still make him horny as hell he didn’t have to. Seka felt the proof of his arousal under his ass. Medora kissed him for a while before he forced his head down to his crotch. Seka didn’t resist it but got right to it and let his tongue tease his master’s cock head in a way he knew he liked, Medora soon wanted more and pushed Seka’s head deeper down. He had a good hold of the hair at his neck and steered his actions completely. All Seka could do was to relax as much as he could, to try and work those instinctive resisting movements away. Medora pushed his head down and he exhaled through his nose and let the invading thing glide down his throat and as Medora yanked at his hair he licked and sucked it on its way out again. After a while it seemed his master thought he had got the right rhythm and he let go of his hair, leaned back with a groan and left Seka to prove his willingness to please. Seka thought for a while his master would let him suck him dry and that would be all but suddenly the hand was back in his hair and he was yanked away from the hairy crotch he had only moments before been forced into and pushed to his back. But Medora wasn’t being brutal about it, only a bit frantic in aroused eagerness and he smiled at him as he dug his hands between Seka’s thighs. Seka put his legs on his master’s shoulders and Medora took a few moments to caress them. "You know," he said, chuckling, "as pretty as some boys are, few have legs like this. I think the gods made a mistake with you, you should have been a woman. Well, let’s correct their mistake shall we?" Seka understood what he meant and grounding his shoulders into the mattress he raised his hips as high as he could, spread his legs even more and braced his feet against his master’s broad neck. He opened himself up for him but closed his eyes doing so and Medora fucked him. And there was that initial pain, but it created a single wave through his abdomen before disappearing. And there was that awful and shameful feeling of being afraid of losing control of the most basic bodily functions as that big cock pushed at his inner organs. It always felt like he was going to accidentally piss himself or something worse. But it usually went away too. And that same feeling of being conquered and defeated over and over again at every single thrust was there too. He couldn’t shake it. But still, the way his master went about it… he had longed for this. Longed for it… >>> * <<< He waited a few days before he ventured outside. It felt strange being able to walk around here as he pleased. He didn’t know what he wanted to do but he supposed it felt nice enough just being outside. Maybe he could take a walk down by the creek at the back? It was pretty there and there were herons nesting a bit further down, maybe they had returned? It was probably too early but it had been warm. He felt strangely elated at that thought and started towards the back of the house. He didn’t get far, a voice from across the yard shouted at him to wait and he froze at the voice, froze and shrunk and wished for the earth to swallow him whole. Azrel grinned at him as he came running up to him. "Where’re you going?" A friendly enough asked question. Azrel smiled and looked as happy to be out in the countryside as he had been last time they were here. Seka couldn’t understand him. Azrel had ignored him completely on their journey over here. Hadn’t said a single word to him, hadn’t as much as looked in his direction. And now he acted as if nothing had ever happened. As if he hadn’t brutally raped and torn him on the floor of his father’s bedroom. As if he hadn’t struck him in the face and kicked him in the ass. As if he had not threatened to have his only friend tortured and killed. As if he had not deliberately seen to it that his master had almost beaten him to death. Seka could not grasp that friendly smile, that exhilarated boy standing in front of him asking him where he was going as if he was a small child asking a friend to come and play. He couldn’t find any words to answer. Azrel seemed oblivious. "There’s new horses, you want to come down to the stables and take a look at them?" New horses? Azrel wanted him to come and look at the new horses? He still couldn’t grasp this and it seemed easiest to just hid behind subdued slave manners. "If that’s your order Master Azrel." He said, detachedly and bowed slightly. The grin disappeared and for a moment Azrel just stood there, saying nothing. "You know… I never thought papa would be that mad… didn’t think he would beat you up like that… it still hurt? Your hand I mean?" Seka answered as detachedly as before. "No Master, not so much anymore." "Never thought he would actually break something," Azrel murmured, "well, if it’s any consolation he was pretty mad at me too. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that angry. He yelled at me for like an hour…" Azrel almost cringed before him and it was pretty evident he felt bad about his destroyed hand but Seka didn’t care if he did. It wouldn’t make the hand better. Besides, he didn’t think that Azrel was sorry that he had treated him so cruelly, only that his doings had had a bit more serious effects than he had counted on. Seka hoped in any case that he did not feel so bad about his hand that he too would apologize to him. He didn’t think he could stand the fear of having to deal with two proud souls revealing a moment of weakness to him only to surely blame him when they later would feel ashamed about it. Seemed Azrel wasn’t going to, he changed the subject back to the horses. "Well, are you coming or not?" Like he had any choice really, Seka thought and followed when Azrel started walking waving him along. Seka had told himself he would never take advantage of his masters’ possible bad conscience in this case but Azrel seemed like he wanted to be nice to him because of what had happened even if he wouldn’t admit he was sorry. Seka couldn’t help taking advantage of that after all, not when what he needed to know was of such vital importance to him. "Master Azrel?" he spoke quietly and carefully, "May I ask you a question?" Azrel turned to him without slowing down and smiled as friendly as before. "Sure, go ahead." "What… what happened to Tatsu?" The words almost didn’t make it pass the lump in his throat. He was so afraid of hearing the answer. But that question had been a constant thought in his head since it had happened and Tatsu was a visitor in his dreams every night and the thought of if Tatsu was alive or dead tortured him every waking hour. He had tried to tell himself that surely he would have noticed on his master’s behavior if Azrel had revealed his secret even if Medora would not have told him. But he couldn’t be sure. Maybe his master thought the beating enough punishment, for him. Tatsu could still be dead. It drove him mad that he had no one to ask. But now he had and no matter the answer he must ask. Azrel’s expression showed nothing in particular. "Tatsu who?" he said and the simple realization that Azrel didn’t even know who he was talking about made him all confused and silent. Azrel halted and turned towards him. "Tatsu who? He repeated. "The boy at… the slave I… the slave at The Quarters with the marks… the pox marks…" "Oh… that one. How should I know what happens to him?" Seka could almost not hold his tears back. He had to explain it then, had to say it. It was hard. "Is he… still… alive? Did you… did you tell… anyone?" Azrel’s expression got harder and suddenly he grabbed at Seka’s arm and jerked him closer, frowning at him. Seka got all knee-weak. "You’re insulting me slave, do you realize that?" No, Seka did not realize that. If he had thought anything he would say would insult Azrel in any way he would not have said it that was for sure. But it seemed he was very bad at knowing what he could or couldn’t say to the young master not to insult him. He was almost ashamed about how scared he was right now at what Azrel might do this time to make him regret it. "Now, did I or did I not promise you that I would tell no one about that little thing you had with that ugly creature? Well, tell me! Did I promise you?" Seka nodded still all shaky with fear. "Y… yes Master Azrel, yes you d…d…did," he stammered. "And yet you dare insinuate that I would break that promise? I don’t break promises, not even the ones I make to slaves. I haven’t said a damn word to anyone even if that would have served you just right you ungrateful little bastard. I have been nothing but nice to you. I’ve treated you good, I wasn’t hard on you ever even if I could have been. And all you have ever been is sulky and hateful. I’ve never seen a single honestly meant smile on your face in my presence once. But I didn’t even held that against you, because I knew you couldn’t help it, because you hated it and you couldn’t help it. But that wasn’t it, was it? No it wasn’t, because as soon as we weren’t looking you got yourself a little lover… a male lover. So much for hating it. And you happily jump into bed with something that I just want to puke looking at when I… Well, don’t you worry, I didn’t tell papa and as far as I know your little freak friend is alive and well and if he’s not it sure wasn’t my doing." Azrel pushed him away so violently that he fell and then he simply turned his back on him and walked off with long and angry strides. Seka remained sitting on the graveled yard for what seemed an eternity. He was so stunned he couldn’t even decide to get on his feet again. But finally he slowly got up and brushed the dust from his clothes. Still stunned at what Azrel had said he more or less automatically walked in the direction he first had planned to. And when he reached the creek he sat down in the chilly and moist grass to bury his face in his hands and cry almost hysterically from the released tension of months of fear for his friend. Tatsu was not dead

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