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Chapter 4 |
During the weekend he let Lynn rest. He had not been tempted to break this rule even though he had been offered extra money to do it. He remembered what the doctor had said, and he let Lynn off the hook a few weekdays too if he seemed weary. Lynn himself never asked to be spared, but Lucas understood that he was relieved every moment he didn't have to spend in Lucas's bed with a customer.
Apart from the whoring, Lynn's duties were not that demanding. Lucas didn't boss him around that much. He seldom told him to do anything, in fact. Lynn took care of the cleaning and the laundry and waited on Lucas all on his own accord, and Lucas couldn't really complain about the way he did it.
On the whole Lucas gave Lynn quite a bit of freedom of movement. The only thing he asked of him was that he stayed at home when there were customers coming, but otherwise he let him come and go as he pleased. He never told him he couldn't go out, and if he had been out he never asked where he had been. He had only warned him about certain streets and about going out after dark.
Lynn did not find it strange that Lucas hadn't clarified any rules about this, since he already found it quite self-explanatory that he was not allowed to roam about as he pleased. He would never stray too long from the apartment and he would never dare leave the place after dark. The whole of Shamrock scared him.
Lucas’s financial status was much better. Lynn had not exactly made him rich, but everything was different now. He had been able to pay his bills and he had paid what he owed in convenience stores all over Shamrock. Mr. Graham had gotten all the late rent, and had been so happy about it that the had fixed the lock on Lucas’s front door and a few other broken things in the apartment. If Mr. Graham wondered about the men coming and going in an apartment where no one had visited before, he didn't say anything. He had seen Lynn, of course. He must have understood, but there were many strange things going about in these neighborhoods. But as long as it was legal and he got his money he probably didn't care.
There was never a lack of food these days and Lucas had even bought an old TV set so that he could watch the news and some movies now and then. He'd bought Lynn new clothes as well. Yes, life was pretty good… considering. But Lucas had not given up hope about getting a normal job. He didn't want to see himself still doing this in a few years. They couldn't keep it up forever anyway. Sure Lynn would stay attractive a few more years but sooner or later he would be too old and not be of any interest anymore... to anyone. Lucas felt ashamed thinking like that but it was the simple truth. >>> * <<< It was Saturday morning, and Lynn was gone when Lucas woke up. Lucas liked sleeping in on the weekends, and Lynn not being there when he woke up was not that uncommon. Lynn always woke up early. Lucas knew he liked to walk through the park early in the mornings when the air was not quite so heavy with smog and when the place was devoid of people. Lucas thought that Lynn might miss the nature around Amahana Lake. He did too...
He made himself a cup of coffee and switched the TV on, sitting down to lazily watch some morning news. Lucas demanded of Lynn to have breakfast prepared for him when he woke up. The first weekend when Lynn had been out walking and discovered that Lucas was already up when he came back, he had paled and stuttered to be forgiven, looking scared to death. Lucas had finally gotten him to understand that weekends were different. He didn't care so much about getting breakfast at a certain time when he had no appointments.
Lynn usually didn't stay out long in any case, and soon enough Lucas heard him in the hallway. He came into the kitchen treading silently and warily as he always did. Lucas saw Lynn greet him with a bow of his head out of the corner of his eye. He always did. Lynn would probably have fallen to his knees every time Lucas appeared if Lucas had not forbidden it. Lucas didn't like it. He admitted he didn't mind Lynn showing him this sort of respects, but he didn't like such a profound display of total submissiveness.
"Fix me something to eat, will you?" Lucas said over his shoulder. Lynn didn't answer, but Lucas could hear him taking stuff from the cupboards, so he knew he was obeying at once. He always did… Lucas turned the TV off then and turned to look at him.
Lynn had changed a bit during these months. He looked even better, wasn't quite so famished anymore now he was better fed. Though he was still waif-ish like a young girl. Lucas knew Lynn was deathly afraid of becoming fat like many castrated men did, so he didn't eat as much as he probably should. Lucas didn't say anything about him just shoving the food back and forth across the plate, and didn't force him to eat though he thought he really ought to. After all, it couldn't hurt to be careful as long as Lynn's body was their only source of income.
His hair was back to looking like liquid gold, and Lucas had seen him taking care of it like it had been as precious as a baby. He found it a bit silly but didn't say anything about that either. Lucas had to admit he liked Lynn's hair. He had always been partial to women with really long blonde hair. It was such a cliché but he liked it anyway.
In fact looking at Lynn from behind like this he might very well be taken for a woman. He didn’t have a woman's soft curves, but that was certainly not a male body either. He was angular like a man but there was still some kind of softness over the lines of his body, which was very feminine. His stomach was flat and firm, but still there was a faint roundness to it. His complexion was indeed very feminine, all flawless silky smoothness. His remarkable skin was what made him more womanlike than the long hair; many men had long hair.
Lynn's face was neither fully masculine nor feminine. One second he looked exactly like a woman and then he shifted a little and suddenly he looked like a boy. He never looked like a 'man' though; he was too smooth for that. It would have been so easy, Lucas thought, to make him up to a perfect illusion of a woman. Lucas had forbidden him the use of any make up. Lucas didn't like it and Lynn didn't need it.
Better fed or not, Lynn had never regained that roundness of cheeks that he had had before and that was a good thing. He had been cute as a doll before but now he was... yes, Lucas admitted it, Beautiful!
Lucas couldn't help thinking that Lynn was an appealing sight, if one brushed aside the fact that he was a man and pretended he was a woman. Lucas liked how the black pants hung low on his hips. He liked the black top revealing his slender waist. He liked the way he flipped his hair out of the way with an elegant movement that seemed to be consciously absentminded. He could see the scars as he flipped the hair out of the way. Looking at them always made Lucas angry; he'd liked to get hold of the bastard that had done that. Though he forgot it as his eyes started to wander up and down Lynn's backside. There were times he looked so much like a woman that Lucas found himself just staring at him. The way his hips slowly swayed back and forth as he cut the bread... There was like a strange surge inside of him. I really need to get laid, Lucas thought, sighing, if the lack of sex made him look even at Lynn like that. He would take some of the money and go out to a regular bar to try and meet some women. All he needed really was a regular date. He was worth it!
Suddenly Lynn turned and caught Lucas staring at him, there was a faint blush over his cheeks and he looked down. It made Lucas angry! It was like Lynn had felt him staring and with the damn instinct of a whore had known what he had been thinking. Had known that the sight had almost... turned Lucas on. But Christ, it had not been like that. It was just that he had been thinking about how long it had been since he dated a woman last. It hadn't been Lynn really, it couldn't have been. Lucas was not gay, and to him it was not a normal act to release straight urges on another man, not even one as emasculated as Lynn. He had not been raised that way. It was just the way he reminded one of a girl sometimes. Damn, Lynn had no fucking reason to blush like that. Lucas got even angrier.
"What the hell are you looking at?" he yelled and banged his fist at the tabletop. It had its usual effect on Lynn. Lucas did not get mad often, but when he did Lynn looked like it was the end of the world. He started violently and dropped the bread on the floor. It didn't make Lucas any happier.
"What are you doing? What the fuck am I suppose to eat now?" he yelled even louder. Lynn automatically went down and started to pick the bread up, but his hands were shaking so much he could hardly hold the slices.
"Fuck! You're such a clumsy idiot!"
Lynn recognized this sort of anger, even though he never could understand where it came from. It wasn't the kind of anger Lucas showed when he had had a bad day and things had not worked out the way he planned. He was angry and irritated at everything then, and Lynn might get yelled at if he happened to be in his way. But this anger was aimed at Lynn personally, and he couldn't even see what he had done wrong. It didn't happen very often, but when it did it froze Lynn, made him totally confused and terribly, horribly scared. It was such a cold and hateful anger, Lynn thought. Lucas didn't even hit him, just stood there and seemed to hate him, and Lynn knew there was nothing he could do to appease him right now.
"You fucking clumsy idiot!" Lucas repeated with emphasis, and Lynn lost it completely. He threw himself face down beside Lucas’s feet, and didn't dare move an inch; only hitched sobs racked his body. He would have really tried to stop crying if only he could, because he knew crying would irritate Lucas even more. It did.
Lucas got a hold of his upper arms, pulled him to his feet and started to shake him violently.
"What did I tell you about this damn cowering? You are fucking hopeless..." He started to push him towards the front door.
"Get out!" he bellowed, kicking the door open and flinging Lynn out onto the stairs. "I don't even want to see your fucking face!" he screamed and banged the door shut right in front of Lynn’s nose.
About an hour later Lucas felt more ashamed than angry. What was with him these days, really? Why had he gotten so mad? Because Lynn had caught him staring at him? Well that was a good reason, wasn't it? But he had felt like he had this big secret that he thought no one knew about, and then Lynn had gotten it all out in the open. But that was just silly. He had no reason really to get so mad at the poor thing. Maybe he had not hurt Lynn physically but he had been cruel just now, had he not?
He had told him he didn't want to even look at him and then he had thrown him out. That was cruel because he suspected Lynn would take that harder than being beaten. It was even meaner because he had really wanted Lynn to believe it. Lucas had really meant to hurt him. It was cruel because it simply wasn't true.
He went to open the door again and hoped that Lynn would still be there. He did not feel like having to go and look for him, and he was a bit worried he would not find him at all, that Lynn would be too scared to come back. He didn't have to worry. Lynn was sitting on the stairs right outside the door. He had stuck his head between his knees and put his arms around his head. Hearing the door opening he shrunk even more.
"Get up and come inside!" Lucas said coldly. He still felt very bad about throwing Lynn out. So bad in fact that he didn't dare show Lynn too much friendliness right now or he might not be able to stop himself. Maybe he would even end up apologizing to Lynn, or something stupid like that. Lynn obeyed and went inside, head hanging, legs quivering. He was still pretty shaken up, that was evident.
"Now clean this mess up and fix my breakfast," Lucas commanded as neutrally as he could, then sat down at the table to wait and turned on the TV again. >>> * <<< A few days later Lynn didn't think he was anywhere near being back in Lucas’s favor. Most of the time Lucas ignored him completely. Lynn was so depressed he cried himself to sleep at nights. He didn't understand what he had done, but he thought Lucas might be tired of him.
Craig had tired of him, and Lucas had almost reminded him of Craig when he had been that mad. He had not hit him, and Craig had never hesitated to beat him, so there was a difference but still... That sort of hateful anger that seemed to come from nowhere without a warning. It was just like Craig. Craig too had gotten furious so many times, just by looking at him it seemed. Without Lynn doing anything at all. Lynn cried even more at this and pressed his face into the pillow so Lucas wouldn't hear it. What was it about him? What was it that made them hate him so? Well, he had just hated Craig back, but when he thought Lucas hated him, it was like he couldn't live anymore. >>> * <<< Monday’s customer was a familiar one by now. The old man with the chains. Lynn didn't even dare to sigh about it. It was the fourth time the old man came to fuck him, and he was a good customer because he always paid twice as much to get to use the chains. Lynn hated it, of course, but at least the old man always did it the same way, and he knew fairly well what to expect. He let Lynn wrap bandannas around his wrists and ankles before he put them on so it wouldn't chafe. Lynn couldn't really say that any of it hurt, but it was damn uncomfortable, and he got a bit achy over the shoulders from having his hands cuffed behind his back for so long. The worst was how uncomfortable it was; not being able to part his legs enough when the old man penetrated him. He knew the old man enjoyed his discomfort and humiliation…
Lynn told himself he didn't need to bother feeling humiliated, considering all he'd been through in his life. But there seemed to be no limit to how far down you could sink.
Sometimes the old man just stood and stared at him after he had chained him. Once he had pressed him down on his belly and chained his feet together with his hands and then he had stared at him for ages. Lynn had felt like an animal waiting for slaughter, and he had nearly started to cry. He had nearly called out to his master because he had once said they weren't allowed to humiliate him. But he really didn't know how far Lucas had meant they could go.
Oh, he really didn't like the old bastard, and if it hadn't been for the fact that Lucas seemed to hate him now, Lynn might have asked not to have to serve him again. He would never dare ask such a thing now though, and it occurred to him that maybe Lucas had brought this particular customer today as a sort of punishment. He felt scared following the old man into the bedroom, but nothing out of the ordinary happened, and he was relieved. But Lucas kept on ignoring him, and he spent Monday night in tears just like the night before.
Tuesday morning Lucas left without saying a word to him. Didn't even look at him. Lynn stood at the sink with a kitchen knife in his hand and thought that it would be quite nice actually to just end it all... He had not the courage though; besides, he thought bitterly, Lucas would probably not even care. Lynn bet he wouldn't even pay the relatively little money to get him buried in a hole without a casket in a pet cemetery. He would probably just have his corpse thrown in the incinerator at the city dump. >>> * <<< Tuesday customer. It turned out to be a man Lynn had never seen before. Ordinary looking like all men Lucas brought home. He had this look in his eyes though... Lynn didn't like it.
Lucas saw the greedy look on the customer's face too and thought to himself that so far no one who had seen Lynn had refused him. They saw him, they wanted him. Maybe they weren't picky but more likely it was just that Lynn was simply too beautiful to refuse, at least if you were gay. Lucas always felt proud when they looked at Lynn like that, proud to own such an unusual object...
They talked about him and exchanged money. Lynn followed the procedure with total indifference. He was still depressed. If Lucas had know just how depressed he was, he might have been a bit friendlier to him, because he was not angry with him at all anymore. He still had a bad conscience, which was why he avoided him. He didn't see how badly it affected him.
Lynn followed what felt like the thousandth customer into Lucas' bedroom, and maybe it was because he was so physically tired, sleeping so badly the last few nights. Maybe it was because he was not being attentive, thinking only of his master and what Lucas might think or not think about him. Be that as it may, he did end up biting the customer... in the most sensitive of spots.
It was not really a bite, though. It was more like he had grazed at the man's cock with his teeth. He wouldn't have done it if the man had not pushed it so forcefully down his throat when he was not prepared for it. Lynn drew back from pure instinct, and his teeth scratched at the cock-head. It couldn't have hurt all that much either, but the customer got furious. He got up, pulled Lynn up with him and gave him a stinging slap to the face. Lynn fell backwards, crashed into the door and slid down. The whole room was spinning and he thought he was going to pass out, but he didn't.
The man had hit him with an open palm, but he had meant to hurt him. Lynn was so shocked by the pain and the suddenness of the attack that he stayed down shaking his head, unable to gather himself. He should be used to being beaten, but some things you never got used to, and it had been a long time since he had received anything of the kind. It scared the hell out of him since he didn't know anything about this man; maybe he was going to try and kill him next?
Somewhere at the back of his head he knew he must call for Lucas. His master had told him that if anyone as much as looked like they were going to hit him he must call out to him right away. Well, he had been hit all right, and even though Lucas seemed to hate him now he surely wouldn't accept this. So he should call out, but he couldn't gather himself enough, and that man reached for him again and the fear paralyzed him.
Lucas was neither deaf nor stupid. He had heard the loud crash when Lynn hit the door and understood that something was wrong. It might have seemed like eternity to Lynn, but it was only seconds after that Lucas flung the door open and rushed into the room looking like an enraged bull. He didn't look one bit happier seeing Lynn huddling on the floor, shaking.
"What the hell is going on here?" he bellowed. The customer yelled back, just as angrily.
"Ask that fucking little whore! He bit me and I hit him for it..." He silenced in the middle of the sentence, as Lucas was looking so angry he was fuming.
"No one... you hear? No one lays a hand on him but me!" There was a threat in Lucas's voice that didn't escape anyone, but surprised both the customer and Lynn. The man looked a bit worried.
"But the damn whore bit me!"
Lucas kept staring threateningly at the customer but addressed Lynn over his shoulder.
"Lynn! Is that true?"
Lynn could hardly find the words to answer. He wasn't sure who Lucas was most angry with, himself or the customer. Would Lucas even believe him if he told him? What would Lucas do to him if he didn't believe him? He swallowed and sniveled and stuttered the words out.
"It was an accident. I swear it was...I swear! I didn't mean it..." His excuses were pathetic enough and who would believe the word of a slave before the word of a free man anyway? But it seemed his word was good enough for Lucas.
"Get dressed and get out!" he hissed. "All right, fine, I will. Just give me my money back and I'll be gone."
Lucas looked like he was about to throw a fit any second. "Like hell I will. You knew the conditions. You hurt him, I throw you out and I keep the money."
The customer started to gather his clothes. "But when it was he that..."
"You heard him, he said he didn't do it on purpose. Now get the hell out of here!"
The customer got angry again "Are you so fucking stupid that you believe what a damn slave-whore says? I want my money back or else...!" Lucas reacted to the threat with surprising speed. Before he knew it the man was sprawling on the floor. Lucas had punched him right on the chin.
"Or else, what?" Lucas asked, glaring at the man who tried to get up from the floor and get his wits about him enough to flee from the apartment. When he did, Lucas did not try to stop him. He ran after him but only to close and lock the door after him.
Lucas leaned towards the door and breathed heavily. The anger drained and was replaced with fear. Lucas hated fights. They had been lucky so far, Lucas realized. He had been prostituting Lynn for over four months now and nothing like this had ever happened before. He knew it had to happen sooner or later though, and in a way he had been prepared for it. He had thought it strange that nothing had happened until now.
He must get a decent job. This little incident ended OK but the next might not. He didn't even know from where he had gotten the courage for what he had done. But seeing Lynn on the floor had just pissed him off completely and he didn't believe for a second that Lynn really had bitten that man. Why, Lynn was just not like that.
He must get a gun!
He went back to the bedroom where Lynn was still huddling on the floor and crouched down beside him.
"Will you sit up, Lynn, so that I can take a look at you?" Lynn stopped sniveling in sheer amazement at how kind Lucas sounded, and he obeyed. Lucas turned his head back and forth, and finally he gave him a fleeting caress over the beat up cheek.
"You're not badly hurt. You'll get a few bruises at most." Lynn started crying again just from being so moved. Lucas was speaking to him again, even touched him, he couldn't believe it. Lucas misunderstood his tears, though.
"Hey, I know it must have been scary, but nothing happened. I will not bring any customers for a few days, OK? So you can rest and get past this, OK?" Lynn started to cry even more at these words, and it made Lucas do something that Lynn had never dreamed he would do. He hugged him. Put his arms around him and pulled him close. Pressed Lynn's tender face gently to his chest. "Jesus... you poor thing," he whispered consolingly, "I'll make sure it won't happen again, don't be scared." Lucas wasn't sure himself why he reacted so strongly to what happened, but maybe it was just that he finally had a legitimate reason to show Lynn some kindness. Maybe he could stop feeling so damn guilty about throwing him out and saying such mean things to him. The whole thing soon made him feel awkward though, and he let Lynn go, told him to tidy up and fix himself up too.
Lynn was happy because after that everything was back to normal. He would gladly receive a hundred of such blows if Lucas was that friendly after each one. He couldn't believe he had actually hugged him. He couldn't recall ever having been hugged before. The lingering feel of that embrace was something that he refused to let go of for days. He turned it about in his mind when trying to fall asleep at nights and tried to remember every nuance of it. The warmth of Lucas's breath, Lucas' scent, the feel of his broad and hard chest... If he had been like a real man with all parts still intact, he would have masturbated to these thoughts, though as things were there wasn't much use in it. He actually could get it up if he tried hard and long enough. But he never had the strength to try these days.
>>> * <<< Lynn considered the last few days paradise. Lucas had stayed true to his word and hadn’t brought any customers. When he had returned from the unemployment agency in the afternoons he had been in a good mood, had small talked with Lynn, and even invited him to watch TV with him. Lucas had put the TV in the bedroom and watched it from a very old and threadbare upholstered chair. It was wide enough for both of them to use, but Lucas had not been prepared to be that familiar with him. Lynn sat at the floor beside the chair and watched whatever Lucas watched. It was heaven.
Lynn was happy sitting on the floor next to Lucas, and sometimes wished he could have the courage to lean against his master's legs. He wished this could go on forever, that his master could earn money in some other way. He knew the prostitution thing had been his own suggestion, and that he should be glad that it worked because it was the only reason he got to stay. Even so, it was hard on him. Sometimes he was afraid Lucas would not even want to find another job now that he saw how easy it was to prostitute him. Lynn was afraid that he would have to go on like this until he got too old and too ugly and no one would fuck him even if they got paid. And not that he was vain in any way, but he would probably not reach that state for a few years still. The thought of getting fucked by a new man every day for several more years made him depressed, to say the least.
At the same time, Lynn was happy that he could be of use to Lucas. In a way he was scared that Lucas might find a job. Because if he did and made money himself, then why would he want him around anymore at all?
So he sat at Lucas's feet at nights and didn't pay much attention to what was on TV. He stole glances at Lucas's face, thought that maybe he was just thinking too damn much, and wondered if his master ever wondered what he was thinking about. Once when they had been in the supermarket there had been a dog tied outside the store. It had been some strange kind of mongrel with a sad and thoughtful expression on its ruffled face, which had made it look almost human. Lucas had stopped to pat its head, and then he smiled and asked Lynn what he thought dogs might be thinking about. So if Lucas sometimes wondered what dogs might be thinking about, then maybe he wondered at Lynn's thoughts too? Though he supposed his thoughts would be of less interest than a dog's… to anyone. >>> * <<< Lynn's wish that he wouldn't have to receive any more customers was fulfilled sooner than he thought, if only temporarily. Lynn was as surprised at Lucas telling him about getting a job as Lucas had been by hearing about it at the agency. Lynn got happy and scared at the same time, happy for Lucas, scared for himself. It wouldn't affect his situation much, he soon learned. Lucas explained that it wasn't a permanent job, far from it. It was a job assembling electrical parts at some large company, which had gotten an unexpected large order and needed extra help for about three weeks. Seven other lucky bastards apart from Lucas had gotten the same job. It didn't pay well, but Lucas would get paid on a day to day basis since it was such a short time work.
Lucas was in a very good mood indeed and joked with Lynn, saying they would have a moment of silence at Lava now that they had to be without him for almost a whole month. Lynn smiled awkwardly at the joke. Lucas did that now and then, joked with him, and he never knew if he should laugh at it or not. Wasn't sure what really was meant as a joke or what was not, and he never dared to show too many feelings of any sort anyway. >>> * <<< Lucas wasn't as happy a few days later. It turned out to be pretty hard work, hard and very monotonous. He started early and quit late and the breaks were few and short. The factory building was dirty, noisy and extremely boring. There were hardly any windows, and the hall was so warm that sweat ran along his back. The assembling part of the work was not that complicated. It had taken them a day to learn it and then they soon got faster. Even the temporary workers got a bonus for working fast, but there would be a deduction if you screwed the components up, so you had to be fast and careful.
Talk about slave labor, Lucas thought after the first few days. Sitting at the assembly line putting objects, which he didn't know what they were, together in a way that he had learned by heart, to become something that he didn't have a clue what it was. He was sweaty and his back ached and he thought that if he would have had only this to look forward to for the rest of his life… he would end it! But it was only three weeks so he shouldn't complain.
But he really didn't understand this world. This kind of work was slave labor, so why didn't they use slaves for it since they existed anyway? He knew why, though. It didn't work, not for financial reasons and not for practical reasons. A Company such as this wouldn't survive on an enslaved work force. Slaves would have no motivation to work when they didn't get paid, and they would probably sabotage these frail components any chance they got. It would cost the company more to feed them, clothe them and keep a roof over their heads than to pay free people a normal salary.
Slavery was an outdated relic that survived only because the aristocracy of this planet had too much power and influence than they should, and because they enjoyed playing with things like this. It was only financially possible at their large estates, since they had more money to waste than any man could manage in a lifetime. So they lived in their little private kingdoms and pretended to know nothing of the outside world. Yes, Lucas was quite convinced this custom would have died out ages ago if it wasn't for the fact that a few very rich families with an age-old lineage controlled a disproportionally large part of both the financial and political world of this planet.
Suddenly he chuckled at his own contemptuous thoughts, as if he wasn't a little mini dictator himself these days. But he was an omnipotent ruler that still had to work hard for his bread while the one he owned had calm and quiet days now, doing nothing in particular. Maybe Lynn was sleeping now? Or maybe he went for a walk or maybe he did a bit of tidying up? It was all backwards, wasn't it? But he guessed it was fair. Lynn had supported him for a while now, so Lucas supposed it was his turn. However boring this work was, at least he didn't have to… >>> * <<< Lucas was so tired when he came home that most of the times he just ate, took a bath, and went straight to bed. Lynn found advantages with this situation. He didn't have to serve any customers, and thanks to the fact that Lucas left work at the same time every day, it made it possible for him to welcome Lucas home in the best possible way. Lynn always had a nice meal prepared for him and made sure to vary them and try to prepare something new every night. Lucas was impressed and couldn't for his life understand where a totally illiterate slave had learned such things. Lynn had told him, when Lucas asked, that one of the very few people on the Amahana estate that had treated him kindly was the aging woman that ruled the kitchen in the main building. He had felt welcome nowhere else and spent as much time as possible in there. He had flattered the old lady into teaching him from her great source of cooking knowledge so she wouldn't tire of him and throw him out. It was as simple as that. And since Lucas seemed to appreciate his cooking abilities, Lynn often sent a grateful thought to that woman.
Lucas could always look forward to a nice bath as well when he got home. Lynn had it all prepared for him. And then when Lucas was relaxing in front the TV, Lynn brought him coffee. Well, Lucas thought, the TV had one hell of a bad picture and the coffee cup that Lynn got him had coffee stains that couldn't be removed anymore. And the chair he was sitting in was so old he nearly sat on the floor. But he still felt he led a life of luxury. He was quite sure that no other worker in that factory had his very own slave bringing him his stained old coffee cup.
Lucas didn't feel so awkward about Lynn serving him like this anymore. For goodness sake, he was tired and worked for them both so it was the least Lynn could do, and it didn't hurt him. Quite the opposite, it seemed to make him happy; Lucas had not forced him to do it.
The bath was the best. He felt so sweaty and dirty coming home and he wasn't used to that. It softened up his aching shoulders a bit. Tonight he was more achy than usual, it seemed, and he still felt stiff at the neck as he slumped in the chair after the bath. He sat there for a while rubbing at the back of his neck, but it wasn't very comfortable.
"Hey Lynn, would you give my neck and shoulders a rub down?" he asked. Lynn, who sat at his feet as usual, got all frozen at this command disguised as a question. He rose slowly and looked very hesitant.
"I'm not quite sure how to do that, Master," he said carefully, but Lucas growled, annoyed at him, and made a grimace of pain as he turned to him.
"How damn complicated could it be? This damn stiffness makes me crazy, and if someone knows how to work on sore muscles it has to be you. You just do the best you can, and if you're doing something wrong, you'll notice." Lynn took a wary step backwards, fear in his eyes. "I'm kidding, just do your best. I promise I won't get mad at you."
Lynn stepped behind the chair then and stared at Lucas's neck. It was neither thin nor very broad but something in between, and Lucas' dark brown hair, which was otherwise straight, curled a bit at the base of it. Lucas leaned forward a bit to make it easier for Lynn and Lynn watched sinews stretch in a way that created a surge in the lower parts of his belly. He gulped nervously.
There had been a minimum of bodily contact between them since he had gotten here. But the few times their bodies had connected for some reason, it had always been his master touching him. Never ever had Lynn reached out to touch his master. Not that he hadn't wanted to, not that he hadn't dreamt of it… and now he could, was ordered to… and God, did it make him scared. His hands were shaking as he slowly raised them and put them on Lucas' shoulders. Lynn kneaded Lucas' muscles in small and light circular motions with his thumbs. There was an "mmmm"-sound from Lucas that seemed appreciative and spontaneous, and Lynn felt a little bit less insecure about it all.
"That's good," Lucas said, "but you could try it a little harder; I'm not made of glass, you know." Lynn obeyed and after a while he relaxed a bit. It started to feel almost natural that he would do this for his master. It sure felt nice, more than nice. Lynn enjoyed it, really found pleasure in it. Took so much pleasure in touching someone that he admired so much, someone so good looking, and someone who really seemed to appreciate what he did… Lynn committed the ultimate sin: he enjoyed something for his own sake, and it made him forget for a fraction of a second who he was. It really wasn't much that he did, and Lucas might well not have noticed at all… but he did.
Lucas felt Lynn ceasing the nice circular motions that felt so good at his stiff and aching neck, and suddenly he felt that small smooth hand return to swiftly and lightly touch at his neck, feeling his hair, nudging at his earlobe. It was like Lynn had stepped aside and a woman had taken his place to give him an erotic caress. Because, however innocent that touch might have appeared, Lucas felt its true meaning.
Lucas froze! What was he doing? What the hell was he doing? He spun in the chair and got hold of Lynn's arm. He forcefully pulled him towards him and flipped him over the armrest to lie on his back over Lucas's lap. Lucas didn't release the painful hold on his arm, and the face staring at the man on his knee was not the least friendly anymore. Lucas felt Lynn go stiff in his hold, and he knew that he must be scaring the hell out of him. That was exactly what he wanted right now.
Lynn stared back only because he was so startled and frightened that he couldn’t think about the insolence of looking Lucas in the eyes like that. Seeing the coldness in Lucas's face soon made him realize with full force just what an awful sin he had committed.
Lynn had had sex with so many men in his days that he could hardly have recalled their number. But he had never ever initiated anything. It was simply not his place to do such a thing and no free man would ever allow it. His was only to give pleasure, and if he derived any pleasure for himself in the process then it had to be considered a bonus. But that he engaged in anything bodily with the intention of his own satisfaction… well it was simply unheard of. And wasn't it exactly what he had just done? And to whom? To his master and owner who had never commanded he serve him like this. Lucas obviously didn't want it and Lynn forcing his "arts" upon him when he wasn't even prepared for it was of course inexcusable. And he had done this, he! A worthless slave who should know better and a fucking dirty whore to boot, defiled and used a thousand times over… filthy…
Lucas wasn't thinking on the same lines at all. He was mostly confused, that was all, and a bit angry as well. All he wanted really was to make Lynn a bit ashamed, give him a little scare, and make him remember his place.
"What are you doing?" he demanded strictly. Lynn only parted those red lips as if about to make excuses but it seemed he wasn't able to say a thing. Lucas shook him a bit.
"I asked you what the hell you are doing! Don't you think I felt that, ha?" Lynn was still totally unable to get a word out and Lucas got angry for real and shook him quite violently. He might have been on the verge of plunging into that blind kind of rage that had gotten Lynn thrown out of the apartment a while ago, but then it sort of drained away.
Lucas looked down at the totally devastated creature on his lap and his anger just disappeared. Lynn's whole appearance reminded him of something he had once seen walking home from school when he was but a small child. He had seen two dogs fighting and at first it had been an even fight. But then one of the dogs had gotten the upper hand on the other. When the beaten dog realized it had no chance it had rolled over on its back and bared its throat, whining pitifully with its tail between its hind legs.
Lucas remembered feeling almost nauseous at the sight of the cowering dog, and he felt the same kind of queasiness right now, watching Lynn's total and utter defeated submission and his raw fear. That Lucas's own power could reduce a human being to such a belittled state nauseated him. Had Lynn really committed a crime so awful? Sure, if Lucas thought he had then he had. This society allowed Lucas to be judge, jury and executioner all in one person. And he could literally kill Lynn for this if he wanted to. No one would ask any questions. Lynn knew this, had known it since he was old enough to understand anything at all. How disturbed had this knowledge made him? How fucking ruined was he really, mentally? Lucas was more than nauseated, he felt sick!
Slowly he let go of Lynn and pulled him up in a sitting position. Lynn was still stiff as a rod, and Lucas pulled him close as if he was about to comfort a child.
"It's all right Lynn… it is really, I didn't mean to frighten you. For goodness sake Lynn, I wouldn't hurt you just for… I would never harm you; you do know that, don't you? I will never harm you, Lynn, I promise." Lynn didn't seem to register what Lucas was saying to him. Lucas wouldn't have been surprised if he had started crying but he seemed too much in shock to even do that. Lucas tried again.
"What you did… it was nothing, really," and at that moment Lucas meant it. "You surprised me, that's all." Lynn was still frozen; Lucas held him to him but he didn't answer. He held his hands closed and pressed hard to his chest as if he intended never to use them again. Lucas held him up and tried to look him in the eyes, but it seemed impossible to get in contact with him.
"I'm telling you, it was nothing and I'm not angry. Hey, touch me again and see for yourself." That order didn't register either it seemed. There was no reaction from Lynn, so Lucas took a hold of one of his hands and spread his fingers with mild force, putting Lynn's small hand to his cheek. "See? Did I hit you for it?"
Lynn didn't answer, but his hand stayed for a fraction of a second after Lucas let go of his wrist. Lucas put a finger under his chin and made him look up, trying once again to get in contact with him. Lucas's hand rested under his chin, and his thumb felt at it and then traveled to his lips too. Such remarkable softness. How could anything manly be so smooth and soft? A newly shaved face is soft, by all means, but never as soft as a woman's face where never any hair has grown. There had never been any hair growing on these cheeks either. And those lips… Lucas followed the line of his upper lip; only a woman could have skin so thin that you could feel the warmth of the blood pulsating against your fingertips. Only a woman's lips could be so exquisitely shaped.
Lucas told himself that he held Lynn's face up because otherwise he would slump again and avoid his eyes. But Lucas’s other hand reached up on its own and started to lift away the silky blonde tresses hanging in Lynn's face. Lynn seemed to have stopped breathing; he had closed his eyes, but Lucas could feel his lips tremble under his thumb. Lucas's fingertips lightly drew a line over Lynn's forehead, followed the bridge of his nose, swept softly over his cheeks and carefully combed the almost white lashes of his eyes where they rested on those cheeks.
Everything had that same smoothness and softness… so very womanly….
Lucas didn't know why he was doing this. Maybe he had wanted to do it for a long time? And now that he did it, it didn't seem to matter all that much anymore. Who the hell cared, really? Who the hell had the right to care?
"Look at me!" Lucas said, and since Lynn still didn't react he squeezed his chin harder. "I said look at me, Lynn!"
His eyelids fluttered like a butterfly drying its wings newly born from its cocoon, and then Lynn did look at him… or maybe straight through him, because even though he looked right at him, Lucas could still not get in contact with him in some strange way. Those were not a man's eyes either…
Lucas had to force himself to think about anything else than the feeling of soft skin under his fingertips. He let go of Lynn, got out of the chair and gently pushed him away. As soon as Lynn got to his feet he was on his way to sink to the floor but Lucas stopped him.
"Oh no you don't… Pull yourself together, Lynn, stand still and please answer when I talk to you." Lucas sat back down in the chair. "Turn the TV off and let's talk a little." Lynn obeyed, turned to turn the TV off and seemed to make as drawn out an affair of that simple move as possible...
"You caressed my neck, Lynn, why did you do that? No. No, no, don't look like I'm about to execute you! I didn't mean it as an accusation, I just want to know why."
Lynn looked like confusion personified. "I… I don't know Master…" he finally pressed out, and it was in a way a lie, because he knew that that caress had been about the secret lust and love he felt for his master. But why he had been so immensely stupid as to let it show? He didn't know, so in a way it was not a lie after all.
"You don't know? Maybe you mistook me for one of your customers?" Lynn got totally bright red as only he could get at that comment, and Lucas felt a bit bad. It had only been a joke.
"Look, Lynn… don't feel ashamed when it's me that has made a whore out of you… it's not your responsibility… any of this. If someone should be ashamed here it's me…" Lucas took a deep breath. "Never believe that I think less of you because of it…" Lynn looked up in astonishment, he didn't know Lucas had thought anything of him at all. Lucas kept staring at him in the most peculiar way; Lynn soon looked down again.
"Do you want me to use you, Lynn? Is that what you want? I've noticed how you look at me sometimes and… What is it that you want, really?" Lynn's blush scored new heights. Seemed Lucas had hit the spot.
"I… I… I have no… No right to… to…" The poor sod couldn't even get past his stutter and just silenced, red as a beet still, trembling. Lucas shook his head in pity.
"You have no right… what? You have no right to want things, you mean? To hope for things, to wish for things? You mean you have no right even to feel things?" Lynn looked more and more confused. "And how the hell am I or anyone else going to be able to stop you from that, huh?" The last sounded angrier than Lucas had intended it to, and he hurried to assure Lynn that he really wasn't angry at all. Not angry with him in any case.
"You do have a right to wish and hope for things, Lynn, and you do have a right to feel things. At least with me you do, let me assure you of that. What you don't have a right to do is to touch someone like that against their will, you do understand that, don't you?" Lynn nodded frantically, of course he understood.
"See? That's what made me a bit angry, just that, but I'm not going to punish you for it. It was nothing… why are you so scared of me?" Lucas knew it was an unfair question. He knew why he was scared. The whole damn situation was absurd anyway. Lucas was lecturing Lynn because he hadn’t respected Lucas's integrity, and all because of a fleeting caress. And what about Lynn's integrity? Shouldn't his integrity matter too? But it was violated constantly and Lucas approved of it. Lucas approved of Lynn being sexually abused every other day here without caring one bit about his integrity, and then he scowled at him for a simple caress? Could anything be more unfair than this? Lucas felt nauseous again, this time not from pity, but over himself and what he had become. Suddenly he felt this weird need to compensate Lynn a bit.
"What about if I let you… What if I let you do what you want? How about that? You want to touch me? I'll let you if you want to… come on! Touch me wherever you want!" Lucas leaned back in the chair as if inviting Lynn to crawl on top of him.
Lynn looked more than horrified. He didn't understand a thing. Well, he understood that he had behaved like no slave should, and that he should have been punished for it. Craig Summers would have beaten him to death. Strangely enough, Lucas had not. Though Lynn knew by now that Lucas wasn't much for physical punishment, but there were things that were worse than physical pain, and the thought of that was what had made him frozen with fear. But Lucas had not even gotten angry. Well, a little at first. But now he wasn't angry at all, it seemed. And he kept talking about rights and such, and Lynn didn't get any of it, and he didn't understand at all what any of it had to do with that his master suddenly seemed to have gone mad, slumping back in the chair and saying things like that. Sure, a part of Lynn wouldn't have minded… but no, he didn't dare. It must be some kind of test and he would surely not risk his master's anger again when he had just so miraculously avoided it.
Besides, it wasn't what he wanted, not really. No, Lynn really didn't want to be the one to decide anything for him self or to be the one deriving all the pleasure from physical contact. He wanted to give pleasure. He wanted to give to this remarkable and good man the only thing he had to give. And he wanted Lucas to understand that what Lynn had really could not be given to Lucas, because he already owned it and he could take possession of it anytime he saw fit. That was the only thing Lynn wanted, for Lucas to take it whenever he wanted to, in any way he would fancy and in any place he saw fit. According to Lynn, the only thing that could make him be worth anything was if Lucas would like it and want it again. He didn't hope for love or even care, didn't even think about such things right now, only that Lucas would consider him worth using and enjoy it.
Lynn could not even stand looking at Lucas lying there in the chair as if he was giving himself to him! It wasn't right, it was very, very wrong! "You can touch me." Lucas had said. Lynn didn't want to have the right to do anything. He just wanted to feel the submission that he was used to feeling. Submissiveness that in spite of all felt safe, because it was all he had ever known. But with Lucas there would be a difference. For the first time he would submit to someone he truly respected, and not only because he was someone's property and had to do it if he wanted to live on and avoid pain. To be able to submit to someone that he loved. That was all that he wanted. Then no pain or humiliation would matter. He would gladly endure Lucas beating him to pulp and ripping him open beyond all healing, if only Lucas understood this…
Lucas thought better of it too. Lucas seemed a bit embarrassed about letting his bad conscience get the best of him. He had maybe been a bit too rash with those last words. He didn't really want Lynn to touch him like that. Lynn would never do that anyway, and Lucas could see how much his words had embarrassed him. Suddenly he got up from the chair and went up to Lynn who instinctively stepped backwards. Lucas followed and eventually Lynn’s back was to the wall. He couldn't get away, and Lucas pressed himself so close that Lynn did not know what to do.
"That's not really what you want, is it?" Lucas whispered. "Maybe this is more to your liking?" Lucas leaned over him, took a firm grip of the hair at the nape of Lynn's neck and pulled his head back. There was a nervous twitch in Lynn's face and he raised his arm halfway up. Maybe he thought Lucas would hit him? Whatever Lynn thought, he would not have expected what Lucas really did in a million years. Lucas kissed him…
Lucas wasn't sure why he did. It didn't seem to be such a big deal all of a sudden. Lucas leaned over him and pressed his lips to Lynn's lips and he closed his eyes while doing it as if it would make it easier to pretend then that it was a woman he was kissing. Though he didn't really have to, it was easy enough pretending with his eyes open.
Lucas marveled the fact that it didn't feel any different from kissing a woman, not in any way actually. For a few seconds it was like kissing a doll though, Lynn was stiff and not very cooperative, not from defiance or disgust but from pure fear. Lynn knew a lot of tricks and he was good at them but it seemed he had suddenly lost every trick he had ever learned. All his skills in lovemaking were suddenly of no use; he couldn't get to them. He felt like he had never done this before. And it was a catastrophe because this might be the only chance he would ever get to get Lucas to like him just a little bit, to show Lucas what he could do for him. The only chance he would get to give Lucas all the satisfaction he deserved… One chance only, and the pressure paralyzed him.
Eventually he couldn't help giving in to the warmth from Lucas's mouth, and he relaxed a bit and parted his lips to invite Lucas in. Praying to God that Lucas would not stop to think what he was doing, because that would surely be the end of this. Lucas's tongue was a hard muscle and somewhat dry. It searched its way into Lynn's mouth like the head of a snake and glided along his teeth; it stopped to play with the toothless gap and then went deeper. Lynn got scared as Lucas slowly pulled it out, but it was just to use his lips instead. Lucas's lips sucked at his, tasted at Lynn’s lower lip, and tasted at the tip of his tongue. Lucas could not hold up this careful exploration for long; soon he bent Lynn backwards even more and began almost to devour him.
Lucas’s stubble chafed Lynn's upper lip, but he didn't care. He didn't care about the pain in his neck or the uncomfortable position he held him in either. On the contrary there was a surge in the whole of his body from the wonderful feeling of being both totally helpless and perfectly safe at the same time. Because his lingering fear had nothing to do with expecting pain or punishment, it had all to do with whether Lucas would go on or not.
What if Lucas was to push him away now? What if he was suddenly overwhelmed with feelings of disgust at what he was doing? What if Lucas realized that after being tempted to do this he would definitely never want to see Lynn again…? That was the only thing that scared him now and that was the only thing that kept him calm and let Lucas explore this at his own pace.
But Lucas didn't push him away; he held him and he kissed him and when he tired of it, he did let go of him and took a step backwards, leaving Lynn cold all over, before reaching out to him again. Lucas gently turned Lynn to face the wall.
"Turn for me, Lynn, let me see you from behind! Oh yes, you're as beautiful from any angle…" Lucas whispered in his ear as he pressed himself to the little body again. Lynn gasped loudly as he felt Lucas's erection press against the small of his back. Lucas's breathing was heavy and he breathed hotly into Lynn's ear. To feel Lucas's strong body press up against him was the most wonderful sensation he had ever felt. Lucas rubbed himself against him and almost lifted him up against the wall. Being squeezed between Lucas and the wall made strange things happen to Lynn. To his surprise, he felt a stir between his own legs. That had not happened in years.
Lucas stopped grinding him into the wall and eased up on the pressure enough that he could glide his hands all over Lynn's backside. Lucas caressed Lynn's back, his neck, his behind and his thighs. It was so strange, Lucas thought, how much he resembled a woman, the hair, the waist and the thighs… He reached around Lynn to feel at his meager chest. There were no breasts of course but one could overlook that if one was really hungry for it. And Lucas admitted to himself that he was damn hungry for it.
Yes, you could keep kissing those feminine lips and caress that smooth-skinned feminine tummy and twirl your fingers in that cascade of blonde hair. You didn't have to touch the chest where there were no breasts, or feel between his legs where there were more things than between a woman's but less than between a man's. You could choose, Lucas thought, where to look and touch and so let your lust and cooped up sexual needs get an outlet. What did it matter? Who would know? And it wasn't like they all didn't already think that he used the slave. Who else did he know these days beside the bunch of gay men at Lava? And they constantly did it too. Lynn was his property, wasn't he? Lucas could do what he damn well pleased.
He licked Lynn's neck and nibbled at his earlobes, making him gasp again. And he smelled good too, exactly like a woman.
"Will you please take your clothes off, Lynn?" Lucas whispered, and didn't quite know himself if that was a question or a command. It didn't matter. If it was a question there seemed no doubt that the answer would be yes, and if it was a command Lynn would never dare disobey. Lucas took a step backward to give him room to do it but he stopped him when he noticed Lynn was going to turn and face him. Lucas didn't want to break the illusion of a woman just yet. Lucas had seen Lynn undress before, peeping through the keyhole, and so he knew Lynn was capable of a rather seductive striptease, but this undressing was far from that. Lynn fumbled and tore his clothes off as fast as he could. Lucas knew the stripping was a game to amuse the customers; Lynn was obviously not playing now.
Lucas looked at his naked form. So small and slender like a teenage girl. Lucas felt suddenly old. Like a dirty old man… But he shook that feeling. Lynn was neither a girl nor especially young; he was only three years younger than Lucas was. But he shook that thought too, he didn't want to think that he was about to have sex with a man his own age either. He was on the verge of stopping all of this anyway. What was he doing? But that thought was pushed away too. He had asked himself that same question about a hundred other situations during the last years, and he had become better and better at ignoring that inner voice. All he felt and wanted to feel now was that he was warm. That his breathing became heavier and that his cock got harder and harder. The last thing he wanted to do right now was to crawl under the covers of an empty bed, jerk off and then forcibly push away the feeling of loneliness so he could fall asleep.
Besides, he couldn't leave Lynn like this. It would be cruel. He stepped closer again, and Lynn could not hold in a whistling gasp as Lucas pressed himself to his naked body. Lucas felt the scars at his back. The scars did always make Lucas pity him; he had always pitied him for lots of reasons, for that matter, but never as much as when he saw those grotesque scars weigh heavily at his skinny shoulders. He felt anger and pity now, but in combination with his growing arousal it created a strange effect in him. Suddenly it was like this whole situation was about a bit more than just plain sexual release. Suddenly he didn't care so much about trying to create an illusion of a woman for himself, and his hands wandered all over Lynn's body… except between his legs. Lucas preferred not even thinking about what had once been done to Lynn's sex, it made his own start to shrivel.
Lynn, on the other hand, didn't even notice that Lucas was avoiding anything in particular. He was totally engulfed in the sensations of being touched by his master at all. In either case, he would have neither wished it nor demanded it if he had had that right. As far as Lynn was concerned his sex had never had anything to do with it, and he wouldn't have cared now if they had cut it all off…
And Lucas felt ashamed, ashamed for what he did, ashamed for using Lynn and not even asking him. Ashamed because even though he was so aroused a part of him found Lynn disgusting. Lynn couldn't help the way he was. Ashamed because he didn't even want to look Lynn in the face, but had him stand there and press it into the wall.
Lynn, on the other hand, had never felt less humiliated in all his life.
Lucas shook the shame. It would be illogical to start asking Lynn now. After having him serve man after man for months without asking, why would he ask if he wanted to use him himself? What was he afraid of? To feel like a rapist? He already was one, wasn't he? Indirectly, anyway. Those men took what they needed and Lucas let them do it. Besides, had he thought Lynn really didn't want to, he would not have proceeded.
"The bed!" Lucas said, and Lynn obeyed so fast that all Lucas's hesitations concerning his willingness quite disappeared. Lucas followed promptly and crawled on top of him. Lucas was not a very big man, but Lynn's small and delicate body almost disappeared underneath him. He was almost afraid he would crush him, but Lynn could take more than one would give him credit for.
Lynn felt the weight of Lucas's body as something all engulfing and safe. He could have stayed like this forever. Lynn was drunk on his own feelings, and really had lost all his abilities and skills as a trained pleasure slave. But a little something of the whore and catamite within him was still conscious and told him that he was not the most inexperienced one in this room. It was quite clear that Lucas had never been with a man before and probably didn't know what to do next.
Lynn wondered if Lucas was interested in penetrating him at all. Maybe he just wanted physical contact? Maybe even the thought of anal sex made him nauseous? Lynn didn't dare ask what Lucas wanted; though as he could feel his very hard cock resting against his ass, he assumed he wanted release in one way or the other. But maybe Lucas just wanted him to blow him? A hand-job, maybe? Lucas didn't say anything.
Lynn knew well how to do all of those things and would have been happy to assist in any way Lucas would want. Lynn must have had a cock in his hands hundred of times, must have had had one rammed down his throat a thousand times and been fucked a million times, but never on his own initiative. He was commanded and then he did what he was told, but when Lucas didn't command anything… Should he in some way help? Show Lucas? Would it make his master angry? Maybe he would get furious and throw him out again? But if nothing happened, Lucas's arousal eventually would pass and he would get kicked out of the bedroom without having had a chance to show Lucas what pleasure he could give him. And then he would probably never get this close to his master again. That was a thought that made him want to cry because after getting this close to Lucas, Lynn knew he would want to die if he never got this close again.
He took a risk in taking an initiative, of course, but maybe it would be worth it? He had taken a risk contacting him in the market hall, too, but then it had been a question of life and death. But wasn't it a question of life and death now?
Slowly and carefully Lynn parted his legs so that Lucas glided down between them. His heart was pounding its way out of his chest while he did it, but Lucas did not react with any anger. Lucas wasn't angry, because he had waited for some kind of sign from Lynn that it was all right. He had never been with a man before, but he had had anal sex with women on a few occasions, so he wasn't totally unknowing about such things. Now he didn't care to hold back anymore when Lynn so obviously invited him in. Gently he wiggled himself inside.
Lynn tried to shut up and not disturb Lucas as he felt himself slowly being filled up, but couldn't help moaning with the pleasure of it. Lucas reacted to it. "I'm not hurting you am I?"
Lynn shook his head in earnest. "No, Master, it doesn't hurt at all… I'm sorry. I will be quiet… It… it feels… good."
Lucas grinned. "As long as it's doesn’t hurt… you don't have to be quiet on my account. Let me know if it hurts though!"
Lynn tried to behave and not sound so indecent, but it was hard. Lucas was thrusting slowly but very deep, and he caressed his hair and back and kissed him at the neck while he did it. Lynn had goosebumps all over. This was so different, the same thing but still so very different than anything he had experienced before. Lucas was gentle, but that was not the unique part. Other men had been too, even if that sort was much rarer than the brutal and rough ones. It was not the way Lucas did it that was different, Lynn realized. It was Lynn himself that was different. He loved, that made all the difference. It made him cry. He couldn't help it. He would be the first to admit that he was one hell of a pathetic and sentimental fool, but he still couldn't help it. He cried silently, didn't want Lucas to see it.
Lucas didn't see it because Lynn was taken from behind like he always was and had his face pressed into the pillows. Suddenly Lucas pulled out and the emptiness was sudden, uncomfortable and vast. Lucas was obviously not finished, why did he pull out? Not only did he pull out; he rose to sit up at the edge of the bed. Lynn stopped breathing, what had he done?
"Turn over, Lynn!" Lucas said, and Lynn obeyed and turned slowly to stare at the ceiling. He really didn't dare look at Lucas, but Lucas grabbed a hold of his chin and made him look at him.
"Are you crying? What's the matter? I told you to tell me if I hurt you. For goodness sake, Lynn, I know that I can do what the hell I like to you, but don't you get it that I just can't feel any satisfaction if I know that you don't want to… OK, it's for me. I want you to tell me for my sake, get it? Not for your sake…" Lynn only stared at him, but the last sounded logical in a way. He nodded.
"It… It was from happiness…" he whispered, embarrassed. Lucas raised an eyebrow but then he laughed. He still laughed when he sank down beside him again.
"I don't like just seeing the back of you, Lynn. It's a bit animal-like, don't you think?" Lynn had not the slightest idea what to answer to that, so he kept quiet. He supposed he was used to always being taken like that, had never thought about it.
"I've never had sex with anyone that I haven't looked in the face, at least for a part of the act," Lucas said, looking serious, "and I am not planning on starting now just because it's you." Suddenly Lynn found himself with his knees over Lucas's shoulders while he slowly entered him again, and that was something new indeed. It worked… obviously, but it felt very strange, and now Lynn was the inexperienced one. If this was a common way to go about it between equal men, Lynn had no idea; maybe Lucas just wanted to do it the way he did it with women?
Lynn suspected why he was always taken the same way. It was a way to show dominance. A way to distance themselves from him, to avoid looking him in the face. It was easier that way to forget that he was a human being. But it was not something that he usually reacted to, there were no alternatives that he had known of. It was just the way you fucked a castrated enslaved clone. Maybe Lucas would never understand how much this gesture meant to Lynn?
He knew it! Already at Amahana Lake he had known that Lucas saw him as human being in a way that no one else had done before.
Lynn could not help taking advantage of this new and strange position. He looked at Lucas while he fucked him, and he thought he had never seen anyone as good looking as his master was. Lucas was too excited by now to much notice anything; he thrust harder and faster and sometimes Lynn felt pain riding the pleasure waves but he didn't care. Lucas saw him fit to use, that was all that mattered to him. He tried to answer Lucas's motions to make it better for him, but it was a bit hard in a position that he wasn't used to. And the only time Lynn really managed to be quiet was when Lucas now and then leaned down to kiss him hungrily.
Lynn wanted to throw his arms around Lucas's neck; Lynn wanted to touch him but he had not the courage. He stayed passive like he was supposed to. But his emotions were more active than ever before in a situation like this. He could recall the feeling of just wanting it to stop; to wish more than anything that the one who used him would just finish and leave him alone. He could recall it but it had never been a more distant feeling than right now. Lynn wished with the same intensity that this would go on forever.
It didn't, of course. Lucas came with a loud moan and pulled out. For a few minutes Lucas slumped over Lynn with all his dead weight and relaxed, savoring the after glow, feeling the satisfaction of release settle over him and make him sated and lazy. But then he rose and went into the bathroom without a word or even a look in Lynn's direction. Lynn felt the same cold fear grip at his heart. He had seen that reaction before, many times, with men that really had not intended to use him but then were tempted anyway. They got angry when it was over or very cold and condescending. Like they blamed him for it. He had even been beaten for it a few times. But there you go, he told himself, what did you expect? That Lucas would have stayed to cuddle? That he would have told him it was great and that he liked him too? That Lucas suddenly would stop treating him like the slave he was?
He couldn't expect anything like that. Lucas had used him and now he had to behave and leave at once, and the only thing he could hope for was that Lucas would use him again. Lynn prayed Lucas wouldn't hate him now for tempting him, like those other men. It was pretty obvious that Lucas had not intended for this to happen. Lynn forced himself to stop thinking and went over to the closet to find new sheets.
"Leave it! You don't have to do that when it's me that's… just leave it." Lucas had come back and Lynn glanced at him from the corner of his eye. Lucas was completely nude and even though he had been that in bed just now, it was still odd for Lynn to see his master that way. Lucas was usually strict on keeping a distance between them. Lucas nodded towards the bathroom door.
"Go and freshen up a bit!" Lynn bowed as a sign that he had heard and obeyed. He stayed as long as he dared, but eventually he thought Lucas would be annoyed if he didn't come back out, so he did. Lucas had gone back to bed, arms crossed under his head, staring at the ceiling. Lynn bowed to him again, but Lucas pretended not to see him at all. Lynn picked his clothes up to go to the kitchen. He slept in the kitchen, so what the hell was he still doing in here? It was late and his master needed his sleep. So why the hell did he linger? Lynn felt himself shaking as he walked towards the door, and he wanted to cry but he wasn't going to. Not until he got out of the bedroom, anyway. He couldn't understand why Lucas ignoring him would upset him like this. He ought to be grateful Lucas wasn't angry with him.
Lucas let him open the door but then he sighed deeply.
"Wait, Lynn! Come over here for a while, will you?" Lynn stopped dead in his tracks, but then he closed the door again and went up to the bed, falling to his knees beside it. Lucas didn't stop him. Lynn hoped for a friendly word before being sent out again, that was all. Just the tiniest little confirmation that all he had felt tonight was not just in his imagination. That his master maybe did care just a little for the slave that he unwillingly had taken in. Only a small confirmation and then Lynn would be more than happy to receive whatever admonishment Lucas was about to give him now. Lucas turned to look at him.
"Well," he said nonchalantly, "you can sleep here if you want to." Lynn looked up in sheer astonishment. He couldn't believe what he had just heard.
"Well, come on! I've never thrown anyone out after fucking and I'm not going to start now. Not just because it's you." Lucas punched him playfully on the arm, and Lynn crawled back into bed, still too shocked and astonished to even try to protest against it. This was way more than he had hoped for. This was probably much more than he deserved. He was all blushing and awkward as he lay down beside Lucas, stiff as a rod and as far from Lucas as he could get, not using the empty pillow next to the one Lucas was using. He got even more self-conscious when Lucas grinned and pulled him up and closer with a firm grip of his shoulders. Lucas pulled the bed spread over him to use as a cover and grinned again.
"Relax for goodness sake, you need to sleep as well as I do." Lucas turned and rolled into his own cover to go to sleep but Lynn was still totally flabbergasted, still couldn't believe it. He had never ever been invited to share someone's bed just for sleeping. The likes of him you used and then you threw them out. If he was told to stay in the bed it was just because they wanted to continue in a little while. He was not allowed to fall asleep then and if the other fell asleep it meant he had to leave at once.
He had slept in the same bed as Craig a few times, though, but there had been nothing pleasant about that. Craig had forced him to drink sometimes. He was too small and weak to hold it, and that had amused Craig. He had forced him to smoke pot too. Very funny indeed to see that pathetically weak slave topple over after a drink or two. So a few times they had simply got drunk and fallen asleep in the same bed.
Waking up after such a night had not been a pleasant experience, but not because of the hangover. Craig had woken up before him and beaten him half to death for falling asleep in his bed. One of those times he had kicked him awake, a kick to his stomach that had sent him crashing to the floor. He had thrown up from the pain of it and from the booze he'd been forced to drink. Craig had slapped him around until he had been all but unconscious, until blood had flowed from his split lips, until the roar in his ears had been deafening. Then he had forced him to scrape up the puke with his own hands and lick the rest of it up. That had infallibly made him throw up again, and this time he had puked blood. That made even Craig a bit worried and later that day he had actually been taken to a doctor. The doctor had not even asked about the bruises on his face, but said there was nothing wrong with him. That it probably had just been some sort of temporary bleeding from his stomach caused by drinking too much. Those were the only times Lynn had slept with someone else.
This was different, and he couldn't believe it was true. He sincerely hoped Lucas would not be mad in the morning. He intended to wake up earlier than Lucas just in case. But for now it seemed that he could allow himself to enjoy this. Lucas shifted a little and Lynn froze; he had thought Lucas had fallen asleep.
"You know what, Lynn?" Lucas suddenly spoke. "When I was a kid, about six or seven years old, I had a cat for three years. It was a very nice cat, an angora, and white. God, I loved that cat, you know, like kids do. It got run over by a car, and I was beside myself and cried for a whole week. Mom tried to comfort me, but you know… Things like that happen! Anyway… that cat, it slept in my bed, every night…" Lucas went silent, and Lynn said nothing, for the simple reason that if he lived to be a hundred he wouldn't know how to answer that little anecdote.
After a while Lucas's deep and even breathing told Lynn that he really had fallen asleep this time, and he turned to watch him in secret, though he knew Lucas wouldn't have known if he stared! It was a strange man who owned him, but he was quite certain that if a clone was able to love, he loved his master. |
All text, images & graphics © Francesca Bathory 2002 - The end of time
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